hot girl, 5 o clock
do you know how to read a clock?
Her vagina felt like a horse was eating an apple out of my hand..
Dude I pulled down his pants and he already had a condom on
I know I'm all grown up when I don't have to take my pregnancy test in the store bathroom anymore.
four loko is apparently banned in the us. so i think its time for us to stock up. i already emailed them about buying them in bulk
I mean we've tried to get high on nutmeg, we clearly dont know the definition of "too far"
Wasted on the beach. There's children everywhere. A six year old girl even stood over me with her hands on her waist looking down on me as I was passing out by the water
I need to stop getting so excited when a guy unzips his pants and its bigger than my boyfriends. I look like a kid in a candy store.
Look. When I let you cum on my tits don't fuck it all up by going "SKEET SKEET SKEET" it just pisses me off.
She left a blunt and poutine on my nightstand with a note saying "went to the gym. be ready for round three when I get back" I love Canadian chicks
Ugh... The hoe gods giveth and the hoe gods taketh away.
You tried to fight someone about spaghetti o’s?
That hungover.
Neighbor is sitting on his porch looking like he made some terrible life decisions and I just want to be like "I drank half of a handle of peach vodka in a shed last night. I understand" but I think they're swingers so his night probs sucked more.
Gotta love college... Pregamed for my 8:30 flight home this morning and gave the flight attendants all high fives when I got on the plane. Best ride of my life.
My drug dealer just told me goodnight...I still don't know his name. But I guess you can say we've moved to the next step.
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