im walking the streets of bville with a bag of cat food..looking for my car. i dont ever want to turn 21 again.
So I was blaaazed. & while he was in me all I kept thinking was how bad I'd rather be watching The Office.
Last night when I was hammered I set a reminder to tell you that your boobs are my favorite ones in the world, so this is me giving you that message.
Also, I just saw a woman change into her stripper outfit in the bathroom at Target.
just saw way to many penises for it being 5 o'clock on a thursday
I'll be there. With Doritos and whisky. Don't expect much more.
She wants to fuck me. On a tennis court. In her tennis outfit. Is ring-shopping an acceptable 3rd date activity?
You had me at "mimosas" several texts ago.
Apparently he took me home and I pulled up my senior pictures on fbook and made him guess what I was thinking during each different pose.
Stop trying to get a gf and raw dog some forest beasts like sasquatch
His pick-up lines are quotes from Doctor Who. Of course I fucked him.
I threw up off of your balcony and it must have been loud because the dog downstairs went insane.
Well.. If you trust a test that only costs a dollar, I'm not pregnant
Hey. It's Michael. The guy that had his tongue in your mouth last night. Just wanted to check in with you.
Please can we have sex in this office for old times sake
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