so explain again why im purple
no
saw my dad's penis on the x-ray last night. at least his hip wasn't broken
saw him outside... he got fatter, i got blonder. the winner is obvious.
You do realize it's a Tuesday, right?
You do realize I stopped giving a fuck about calendars when I was 10, right? And besides, it could be the best Tuesday of your life.
she just gave me a present from you... on a stripper pole. in front of the whole club. :)
WHY ISNT THIS A PICTURE MESSAGE
My grandpa is giving me detailed instructions on how to fight a second floor bedroom fire from a ladder on the out side. Just in case
I feel like I got hit by a truck. Or a baby dinosaur. One of them ran over my body and then stuck me in a blender of fire and storm clouds
I don't deserve a penis
These are your "grown up" slampiece's new hours of operation; please plan accordingly
He just told me what he wants for his birthday. "a noise complaint" he also said he wants to be the cause of all the noise but he won't be the one making the noise.
How many band members does it take to become The Band Slut? I think I might be dangerously close
TIL a potato cannon can be loaded with dildos as ammunition. Boy, do our neighbours love us!
You literally asked him, “Do you come here often? Do you want to visit my vagina?” With no hesitation
Well, for starters, you were growling and slurping beer from a puddle on the carpet. Let's all hope that was beer...
I'm just bringing him "breakfast," and breakfast may lead to lunch and dinner, but that doesn't mean I want the mealplan.
Randomize