I feel like I just won at life, no connection sex and free 12 pack of beer after. Does life give out trophies, if so I want a big one.
I wish I could drop acid with the muppets
It was like good, clean fun, but with bodyshots.
I don't think my prof knows we've noticed her No Bra Fridays.
He ate me out in the forest at that park we used to hit my bong in highschool again, somehow this isn't what I pictured being 25 would be like
we played a my little pint drinking game. It was awesome.
He pulled a kid having a seizure out of a car and stayed with him until the ambulance came.
he what???
Not kidding. My ovaries cannot handle this shit...swear next time he'll rescue a bunch of pound puppies and hand them out to lonely orphans.
Not good... He ate my chips. Thats not a sex analogy for anything. My actual potato chips... gone. I lost on both ends.
On the plus side I'm getting really good at painting the inside of a toilet with my bowels.
Best sex of my life. But I think it's because I like his apartment. Really nice bed sheets. High vaulted ceilings. I wanted to lay there forever.
You're getting old. Was it located in a nice school district for your future offspring?
Everything was cool till you started pissing while standing at the bar
He tried to do the do on me last night and my exact words were "stay away from my princess parts. they're renovating."
You know you're doing well in life when weed is considered to improve your job performance
Hes done the math! Hes calculated how much sex it's going to take to fuck 365 miles. Now thats a little brother im proud of. New resolutions are a go!
I feel like I have the I just lost my virginity face and everyone at the grocery store knows it.
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