OMG. Drunk.
I'm so glad you fill me in on these things.
Sorry. Must've been trying to twitter.
She tried to have sex with him but he quote unquote respected her
I'll have you know...trying to masturbate while a song about jesus is stuck in your head is next to impossible
I was so high last night that i'm 89% sure my roommates set up an obstacle course for me and timed it. Not positive.. I think one of the challenges was pairing shoes
She asked me to cum on her. ON her. I think we're out of the friend zone
It involved homemade coconut rum, a waterfall, and street signs. I'll leave the rest to your capable imagination.
he told me he expects me to keep the fangs on when i go down on him. presumptuous, yes, but man after my own heart.
just woke up to find an unpeeled banana, with a condom on, halfway into my vagina. this better not be you trying to be funny
I am ina trunk. Iam in a trunnnnnjkk. I hope its yours. Oh manomanomano. Thids better be your trunk
Just found a note from Saturday that says "rainy soft hair".... Any ideas?
I am going to piss jack daniels before daylight.
Daylight. It is daylight. Who will give you a ride back?
I hope no one. I want to walk and have a bus hit me.
did you just send me my own nude
Sexiest use of a semi colon this week, congratulations.
He's pretending to be my boyfriend so that my family won't bother us when we sneak off to smoke weed
Just packed vodka and spare underwear into my purse- totally set for watching the hockey with him tonight
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