He's gotten way too comfortable around me. He came into the bathroom and took a shit while I was in the shower.
are you sure you're not interested? he's the dunkin donuts employee of the month.
I was just on craigslist and saw and ad for a naked yoga instructor. I will no longer be jobless.
Im pretty sure that girl just said "Im taking you home even if your girlfriend has to come too." Why are we here again?
I just walked in on my sixteen year old sister soaking her tampon in vodka. I go to Berkeley. And they think she's the good daughter.
drinking right out of the bottle and nobody bats an eye.
its good to be home.
I'm just chillin on the bathroom floor
Haha oh no
The bathroom floor is like my second bedroom on the weekends
I knew you were super hungover. But so hungover you fire our house cleaner because her vacuums too loud is excessive
I don't trust a bar IN TENNESSEE that doesn't have Jack Daniels.
he keeps various drugs in his kitchen cupboard like groceries. that is my new life goal as an adult.
He flipped me around so that we could have sex and both watch Die Hard... I think I found my sole mate. Merry Christmas to me!!🎄
Hey sorry if you felt me holding your hand in the middle of the night I was actually just checking you had a pulse
How do you confess that you've had phone sex with your fiancé's brother's ex-girlfriend's new guy she's dating who has also slept with your best friend?
I'm totes in the mood to go home and like blindly inhale dangerous amounts of porn
I dunno about you, but I consider getting eaten out on the porch of a houseboat in -30c in a bridesmaids dress a northern right of passage
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