Im going to bring a boy home tonight, and not tell him that I have my period. So when he tries to fuck me, I say no, and look really classy. Then he thinks I'm marriage material. So I give him head.
Canada is now making docos about life in America. Its called Trailer Park Boys.
drinking steel reserve before noon and watching the price is right... 211... bet i pass out before then.
I'm sorry I tried putting my balls in your cup holder.
I have bruises on the inside of my thighs from sliding down the stair case...thanks for encouraging that slut show
is it cool if i crash at ur house this weekend again bro
yea dude but i wld bring a sleeping bag or something just in case. or u may just have to shack up with a woman or 2 cuz we hav 10 girls visiting/staying over at my house.
how did u manage to make sleeping with a bunch of girls sound like an inconvenience?
You could become Eskimo brothers with my dad. How can you pass that up? You pussy.
The drug dealer had chickens in his house so I know it was good stuff.
Dude my pants were only on for 20 minutes after she got there.
That's 30 minutes too many.
I'm listening to Michael Jackson while drinking vodka, alone. Honestly, l wish I could Moonwalk my way back to when I knew wtf was going on in my life.
A young (I'm going to guess late middle school age) kid shouted at me from the crosswalk GAS PUMP OF SHAME! I have peaked in life.
beggars cant be choosers....im desperate and he has a dick. he checks all the boxes.
she prefaced telling me she was pregnant with "houston, we have a problem"
Well when I woke up this morning I didn’t think I’d be masturbating to my own LinkedIn profile today but here we are
He just canceled. I got an amazing new dress and now he’s decided he’s spending the weekend with his family
In other news, there’s some rando in an expensive hotel bar who is going to get very lucky tonight because I love the way this dress makes my tits look. Want to help me find him?
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