im never drinking mad dog again and i have your belt.
my lips still taste like vagina
so you liked breakfast?
ehh, still wish we woulda went to IHOP instead
he pointed at my clit and asked with a confused face, 'whats this thingy??"
Someone obviously heard us on their way to class. They stopped at my door and started singing afternoon delight.
All I want in this world right now are Doritoessssss
OK. You going to get home safe? Who are you with?
Doritoesssssss
What if we had a smart house and we could just say "baked" and it would rain donuts?
it's great music for shaving your balls
you took a potato out of your pocket and just started eating it raw. don't know where the potato came from though
21st birthday = success
He gave me the choice between a threeway with his best friend or a tiny turtle. Unfortunately I chose the threeway.
there is a spider sitting on top of my weed like he owns it or some shit
no but seriously tf do i do? i have that spider phobia but i think my lvoe of the weed overpowers it
just because you have a nice tits it doesn't make you a magic little snowflake.
The stall at this bar had mirrors all around. I just looked at myself take a shit from like 3 different angles
I thought I'd never say this, but if I had to choose between these cookies and sex, it would be these cookies
I need a pedicure
You need to go to planned parenthood
Hey does the gas gauge in your car work?
Nevermind...we figured it out. Heres a more relevant question, does your insurance have roadside assistance?
Randomize
