Literal conversation "you are ________ ____. you facebook friended me"
i am devastated. she was DTF and I was about to puke, i told her to wait outside my room for a second. Puked. Passed out woke up, she was gone. Found puke stains on my keyboard that seem to spell out youporn....
if my spotter knew I was listening to the Wicked soundtrack on my iPod, I wouldn't even be mad if he dropped the barbell on my throat
Corey Haim died. 80's me is so sad
I think its only fitting my first purchase with my student loan is a glass pipe? I think ill name it 'Subsidized'
so he woke up after being passed out and yelled that he had brought back moon rocks for everybody...
I woke up this morning in the house, I didn't realize it was physically possible to duct tape a person to the wall...
I am stoned and listening to the Olympics music I downloaded on Saturday. Best 6 dollars I have ever spent.
I'm at the hospital waiting for my sister to push out her kid. I think I'll roam the halls and shame all the teenage mothers.
You know its going to be a good day when you have to brush your teeth out of a cup in your room using the vodka and water mixture in your fridge because you're locked out of your restroom
DONT YOU DARE DIE YET THERE IS SO MUCH SEX TO BE HAD
It's nice out. . But after I almost put a bag of chips in the microwave to make nachos. ..I figured it best to not venture too far from the couch
Apparently last night I yelled "the cops were called on a mother fucker and that mother fucker is me." And then proceeded to exorcise a sandwitch.
That broad from the bar put her name in my phone as "The girl I'm going to marry in 10 years".
I'm sorry, but the bed has won this battle. I got up, changed my shirt, combed my hair, put on some deodorant, and then looked at my bed and got back in
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