he like comes into my room and is like..."can you fix my pants" and then just drops trou
After you took the handle off the bathroom door I had to coach the Scottish guy sitting on the toilet, throwing up in his own lap, how to put his pants back on. Yes, I think he won the drinking game.
I'm currently using two paint brushes as chopsticks to eat lasagna.... college.
His new job just became new places to have sex at.
I kindof just wanted to go downstairs and let his dad know how good his son was at sex
Gosh I haven't been pantsless in front of anyone for a while. It's time for me to pick up my game. We need a party. I need some rum.
You called me at 3 am laughing like an idiot. Apparently you consider breaking out of the hospital to be a lifetime achievement.
There really needs to be a redbox for wine because I want some but too lazy to walk into a store
Living a little to me does not involve choreographed Michael Jackson songs
I remember looking at his body and thinking wow you have a body sculpted by Jesus himself. Still not sure if I said that out loud or not
My one night stand just messaged me and said he is praying for me...
I just noped my wife on Tinder. Turns out I was the second one to find out that we both have it.
yknow last night was like... the third night in a row alex woke me up to make sure i wasn't dead and tbh it's sorta sweet.
Remember that time I came to London for 4 hours, got hammered, cried for an hour and then left.
You’re going to be a doctor, and I’m going to be a trophy wife. We both have goals
Randomize
