I don't wanna do a drive in or see a movie tonight. I wanna play some Golden Tee and butt fuck a girl in the bathroom of some bar and proceed with Golden Tee
I found your dream girl. She looked 11 but drove and on her key chain it said "if i am not wasted the day is"
finding my wedding ring encrusted in vomit this morning really just topped off last night...
Most guys don't get turned on by "skinny, gangly legged girl with glasses laying in bed touching herself." You better start working on your diction if you're gonna keep up the sexting.
I'm that hungover student in class ... On a wednesday morning
Omg I think I'm in the wrong class
sometimes u just have to say fuck it and help a straight sixteen year old break into her uncles gay bar.
Why is it so hot and why are these the only pants in my life.
I would totally lead with that as a line.'So, I was on Legends of the Hidden temple as a kid.. Your place or mine?'
No he can't help me find his house he is strapped to a stretcher facing the opposite direction
I asked him if we were going to get arrested for doing it in the bar parking lot. "Absolutly not" said the guy getting the blow job...
You just get me
I'm the wind beneath your wings, bitch
Drunk me started making nachos apparently but never got to the part with the cheese. There are chips everywhere
don't do laundry while your drunk! i found a ketchup bottle & clothes hanger in the washer this morning!
My pizza delivery guy was so hot I was like omg please let this be the beginning of a porno
I don’t know how to sext. What do you say? What do you don’t say?
Just start quoting WAP lyrics.
Randomize
