well recently, every guy I have hooked up with has been economy sized
She said as long as i don't wake her up she doesn't care what hole i use.
Got yourself a keeper right there.
How long is the appropriate time period between a pregnancy scare and breaking up with my girlfriend?
All I remember from my 21st is crying because the bouncer made him put his shirt back on
If I'm going to go gay, i'm not going to go for a tiny dick.
Just got my cast off. My occupational therapist wants me to self-gratify. My clit is about to have an awesome weekend...
Ja rule starts his prison sentence today #3475th reason we should drink tonight
since you saved your number in my phone as "the hot chick you met last Friday" I don't know who you are either
I filled two of the glass ornaments in my mom's bathroom last night with vodka. That way no one sees me drinking on Christmas. Alcoholic or genius? All I know it makes bathroom trips frequent and enjoyable.
This morning I got out of bed 4 HOURS LATE, made eggs with a plastic beach shovel, and then ate them using pens like chopsticks in my bed with my turtle. Obviously, I am not in the mood to be proactive with my life today...
I feel awkward giving career advice while naked
I plan to try out my new vibrator and watch Star Trek: The Next Generation. It's a busy night.
He shit with the door open. I think that means we are in a realtionship.
I just had sex with the kid I walked next to at my first holy communion
You said you're gonna end your night with a six pack and awful erotica
Randomize
