I'm gonna get wrecked tn I might have to keep my phone at home cause I'm sure ill send you really weird txts
My place. Tomorrow Night. Bring your liver, and something for it to do.
my grandma just informed me that patrick swayze used to babysit my dads cousins why wasn't i informed of this early...like when i was obsessed with dirty dancing!
I'm pissed I'm finding this out at 24 bc i could have used this material to make friends
there's a sign at taco bell and it says "bacon and ranch make everything better." it speaks to me.
I didn't think about how painful the pumpkin seeds coming up the next morning would be. Oh well, I'm good at making pumpkin seeds and that's all that matters.
so my mom thinks I'm picking you up just to go buy you liquor before you go back to school tomorrow...
I'm ashamed that your mom thinks I haven't already taken care of that.
She rode an inflatable shark down the stairs. Viva shark week.
well after pounding on the ceiling for 5 mins i just went up there to tell them to shut up.. 2 hours later i'm naked, high, lying on their kitchen floor. it escalated so quickly
You better be making out with him cause we're sitting here with this awkward british girl watching videos of goats singing maroon five
I'M CUDDLING WITH MY CAT AND THAT GUY SENT ME A DICK PIC. UNANNOUNCED DICK PICS ARE TERRIFYING AND MY CAT WILL NEVER BE THE SAME
You can't give me tequila around boys who have girlfriends. That ain't new.
Between randomly bursting into tears and the reappearance of my lost sex drive, this break up has left me bizarrely damp.
WTF DOES CAROLINE HAVE GLASS IN HER FACE
I decided we werent gonna go for round 5 when he started trying to have a serious conversation about how blessed he is to have such a nice penis
He has a point, the man's penis is a legend.
He started out in my roommates bed and by the end of the night was in mine, not sure how that went down. But he left happy in the morning.
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