It was so romantic--he turned me around to face the sunset during doggy-style over the couch back.
I thought we agreed I wasn't a screamer?
I've officially decided that whoever created hate sex should be on my christmas card list.
He got me an interview at his law firm and his boss asked him what he had to say about me. His response "He dates CRAZY bitches."
You should have. Partying with 60 year olds and batman is so much better than partying with bitches our age.
We need a fire pit. Meat. And a keg.I mean like a cow we just carve from. And cook it. We can use the milk from the udder to make White Russians
At Walgreens. I'm getting condoms and a bottle of water so that I'm not "just getting condoms". I don't think I'm fooling anyone though.
I feel like my body was put in a dryer with rocks set on permanent press.
What if he stabs me in the back, mid-orgasm, as I sit on his face? It'd be a miraculous way to go but that's not the point
Never drinking again. Maybe, if our boss gave us more 3-day weekends we would know how to handle ourselves. That was a shit show.
"I'm a professor to university students" I say as I realize I have a nipple piercing that I have no memory of getting
I'm sobbing to NWA
He started talking about getting a puppy together. So of course I went down on him later
Fucked him in a graveyard. Need plan b.
Okay she just told me to turn the volume down on the fan. What does this even mean?
Randomize
