Her bacne/racne was so bad it was like having sex with bubble wrap.
Come put a leash on your gf. She just challenged 8 cops to a wrestling match for 'tag team champion of the world'
Everything about him screamed your future.
I just heard someone say "gosh-darnit" and they didn't have a southern twang. I worry for New York.
You layed on my kitchen floor with a pile of m&ms at your crotch, said "your lightbulb don't match, is that one new?"
he made his penis look like a sprinkler when he was coming. it was pretty cool actually.
You need to let me be on top sometimes. I gotta get rid of these love handles
Woke up in a wet suit with my junk cut out. In a strange apartment. Just found thing biggest bong u have ever seen. WHERE ARE YOU?!?!?!
I am making a budget for 2012. Should condoms be in the insurance or entertainment category?
I've been drunk in my life. But I've never been "crying in 5 Guys at 1 in the afternoon" drunk
I had to have the guy I went out with last night come pick me up from the hotel the next morning after I ditched him for a firefighter..don't even talk to me about a walk of shame
Fun holiday story for you: Alex and I went out drinking. She left. I needed a ride home. Met this dude and told him to drive my car back. Once at my house, I made him take out my dog and then apologized for not wanting to make out with him. I said, let me go see if my roommate is interested and then I slept in Alex's bed all night.
20 bucks says he was an actual leprechaun
Is it morally wrong to give today's hookup a Krispy Kreme from yesterday's hookup or is it just fat love?
His name was toto. That should have been my red flag
WHY IS THERE A GOLD FISH IN MY BONG??
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