Segways are the fanny packs of transportation. Useful in some situations, but you always look like a tool when using one.
After 9 shots a girl with a mustache......still not attractive
Dude, I found out the hard way that she wipes back to front. I ate her out and had to throw up.
just watched a girl laugh at her own fingers... it's not even noon...
I knew I shouldn't have slept with her...my dick looks like a stegosaurus tail
Smoking bowl and applying to community college. I now know how I got here.
Just found my toeprints on the glass of his sunroof.
Would it help you get over me if I told you that I had unprotected sex last night?
In the library. Still drunk. Shoes missnig. Term paper due in fiften minutes. Iff I puke u think theyll throw me out?
please bring me a paper towel asap.
I was drinking wine in bed and spilt some on my chest.. And I cautiously guided it into my belly button but now I dont know what to do.
I like to think I'd be good at dodging genitalia.
my heart is telling me chinese, but my head is telling me beer.
I just learned how to imitate a trains smokestack. The downside is it makes you look like you ate cocaine. The upside is YOU LOOK LIKE A TRAIN
when I walked in the door they were passed out naked, on top of eachother, with tetris controllers in their hands.
i out mim tonsoeep
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