No awkward lesbian experiences without me
i wanna have a kid now so by the time he's 20 ill only be 42 and assuming im already divorced we can pick up girls together
He left an unopened 12 pack of beer by my bed. I guess that's his way of saying thanks for the sex..
Guy having heart attack in McDonalds. Classic.
Note to self: Don't teach the naked lap rule in beer pong until after youve made a cup..
We did however see an 87 year old guy die and get resuscitated last night at the bar. He then finished his beer and his game of pool.
ALERT: Turns out when I'm drunk I turn into a clepto. I just found keys, a ketchup bottle, and sweatshirt in my backpack that don't belong to me. If yours, come collect from me. I'm still drunk in the back of biology lecture.
I just made SCOTCHSICLES. no further info is necessary
fuck it. im taking monday off to do some Jagering.
As the bouncer was escorting you out, you yelled "keep your filthy dick beaters off me!"
We were mid fuck, and he did a Kermit the Frog impression. Is it weird that I was strangely turned on?
pretty sure I woke up to him jacking himself off IN MY BED
I'm like a freaking volcano of life and sexual frustrations
I got stabbed with a couple of chip crumbs during sex Saturday. Further proof I need to stop eating snacks in bed
"Offered to eat Froot Loops out of my belly button" drunk. Thats how drunk.
Randomize
