Literally just as i started to cum the church bells next ot my house began to ring. either it was the most epic timing ever or god was watching and congratulating me
she starting giving me head in the taxi..the driver told her to stop..she looked up, said "I'm the birthday girl", and kept on doing what she was doing.
Ive been sitting around naked watching magic on youtube.
Whatever. It was high school. Back then I'd blow anyone who had enough room between their chest and their steering wheel for my head to fit.
I have bruises covered in glitter and someone just asked me if I realized I'm bleeding from both ears. This is awkward.
You had me sold at "fucking you down the slide"
Dude. Apparently I just smoked some stuff that's used for Nigerian spirit quests.
I woke up to a hotel manager knocking on my car ( window was down) and asking if I was ok
I think I'm interested in anyone that recognizes I actually have a pulse
Also I'm sitting home alone with a big ass bowl of marshmallows right now just eating. It's so sad.
Started the 4th with a foursome. I don't know if it gets more festive than that. #MERICA
I've spent my afternoon dipping strawberries in DayQuil if that's any indication of where I'm at in life.
How the fuck do you get a noise complaint filed against you at 9:30am on a fucking Tuesday?
I JUST AGREED TO GO TO A CHILD'S BIRTHDAY PARTY AT A PLACE CALLED PUZZLE'S FUN DOME WHY DO I HATE MYSELF
I just chased my birth control with Smirnoff. Shit's about to go down.
Randomize
