OMG! Someone dumped chocolate soft-serve in the bathroom! Dibs!
im pretty sure vibrators are the best invention since dinosaur chicken nuggets
I wanna dance tonight. i just wanna grind my ass in some man's dick.
I was just handed a mimosa the size of my head. Stay tuned.
i've never seen someone face fit so perfectly in a toilet bowl
Her eyebrows were plucked so thin that she had to have gonorrhea. Clean girls just don't pluck that way
I'm in the sex attic, crying, eating french toast and taco
There's a patch of dead grass from where you would notoriously throw up after every good night in July. This summer was great.
I'm never drinking with you again. I woke up in Midtown with a 7' tall Norwegian rugby player named Lexie. Never. Again.
Just heard him in the middle stall. Sounded like someone emptied a toolbox into the toilet.
It was a frighteningly large penis to say the least
I ate 2 pot cookies before we left the house. Fuck Pokemon. I'm playing my own game.
I think you're overestimating how drunk I was
You said your pillow felt like the ocean...
Typical. We're ready to go, and you're not wearing pants.
Apparently his ex was into edging and did it to him so much that it takes forever for him to cum
I hate you and your multiple orgasm sexcapades
Randomize
