Pat told us he showed us his penis because he's "a nice guy".
Just saw a motorized bathtub. I think this college thing is gonna work out.
Don't park in the garage. I installed a stripper pole while drunk and it's kinda in the way
Remember the girl passed out in front of my fireplace?
Blackout strip poker. Now. Bring flashlights because we found that candles are dangerous with nudity.
Thou shall not celebrate other people's birthdays as if they were thy own
Overdraft my account again. Parents are starting to ask questions. What would go over better a gambling or drug addiction??
I just stole a conducting baton from the chicago symphony orchestra... i have to stop drinking on weeknights
hey, you wanna get together over coffee or something?
is this code for 'i just got broke up with and i need a sympathy dicking'?
how did you know?
His wife made me pancakes and let me borrow a clean shirt. Should I drop his class or use this to my advantage
But I did spend part of my morning scrubbing your cum off my grandmothers piano.
Our drunk hook up was interrupted by the delivery guy. When he came back to my room we ate the gyros and went back to sex like we didn't take a lunch break.
AND I woke up to eggs in my bra. Thanks Taco Cabana...
It's taking every bit of my restraint not to go to the store and buy chips and cake and like steal someone's dog. PMS is so weird.
I knew how high you were when you put a french fry in your mouth and said 'fuck, this tastes like meat but feels blue.'
Randomize
