i woke up this morning in my bathroom,naked, with my boxers around my face and puke and shit on the floor and wondering why i didn't have a toenail on my one big toe.
compared to you, a hobo is quite responsible.
By the end of the second bowl I was making sound effects to every hand movement he made.
it was like fucking gandolphs beard
The puppy is a lightweight. 3 beers and he's passed out on the floor already. I repeat, the puppy is a lightweight.
No he didn't understand the sequence...then I started texting him these texts with vagina strategically spelt correctly in jumbles of letters.
I apologize for excluding you. On a better note: the stripper that made out with my wife friend requested me on facebook
I just watched the lion king for the first time in years. It's like the equivalent of a really good blow job.
I just got woken up by some Christians who wanted to talk about the bible. ways to make a hangover even worse for a thousand trebek
You told me if you could get your shoes on, you deserved a coke and rum. We never made it to the party.
Holding a cold bottle of mikes hard lemonade against my pulverized taint....this is my Sunday night
That moment half way through a run when you realize you have to take a giant shit. I was racing against my bowels that last mile. Now my sweat is suctioning my ass to this toilet seat. Enjoy that NSA.
I just had my first lesbian experience. Out of spite.
So I just bought e from my sophomore home ec teacher. How's your weekend going?
I love you man but my hope is that you will not wake me up again by pissing on me
The last thing I remember is being given a cup full of absinthe and deciding I needed to wear my tool belt
You were returned to the hotel by someone wearing a priest costume and carrying knives.
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