brad dismisses pussy with prejudice
remember that night we drank a bottle of vodka and went to mcdonalds and ordered everything on the dollar menu, twice?
we can't do that now- first b/c they got rid of that menu and 2 b/c we are broke now. damn this recession.
you know how you have to have just the right ratio of chips to sandwich? same goes for pubes.
Not really fighting over the same girl. He takes her out to dinner and then I come over and fuck her. We've worked out the perfect relationship.
my sober ride is dancing w/ a fat girl. i might be awhile
she never specifically said NOT to fuck her boyfriend so technically we can still be best friends
Join us. We're on the roof drinking breakfast
When you're not at your house I assumed you're somewhere having sex
The bachelor party was supposed to stay local but I think were in mexico.
Not going to lie: not even the fact I'm wearing men's cargo pants can hide the fact I have an awesome ass.
Yeah, we agreed, but I feel like I need at least one more ride on the bonecoaster
He is a sweet angel sent from dick heaven!
Also, there's definitely not a non-hilarious way to ask to stick something up your butt.
You got naked in his car? Or the koala suit was in his car? One of those sounds a lot less slutty than the other......
11:30pm - Shots together. 12:15pm Shots together. 12:45pm Shots together. 9:30am Plan B's together.
Randomize
