I thought I was at a rave until the paramedics started chasing me. You win again tequila.
So she said she wears a diaper when she's on her period and I'm not going to lie, I kind of want to see the diaper.
At least he could have found a MILF, she's a dbl bagger. No wonder he goes to counseling.
Yeah..you can't spell Prozac without Zac(h).
Stop blaming waffle house for all your problems
I've made out with men from every corner of the globe. Sex-wise, I've almost conquered europe. Take that napoleon
i said she could sleep in my bed and she goes "iiiiiiii warned you. iiiiim a cuddlerrrrrr!" slightly regretting this..
I asked him if we could hang out sometime when we weren't hammered. He said he'd email me his number... that's when I knew I was going to die alone
I might be the strongest willed bouncer ever. Earlier tonight a girl flashed me trying to get in. I just replied "Sorry I'm gay", she believed me and left.
Instead of a fine and a few hours in jail he chose to get tasered, break his neck and shit his pants
I dapped up a cop while leaving the party
I was giving him a blowjob but we had to stop because he started crying when his cat walked in and started staring at us
I wish you could just Google "people I've had sex with" and they would all just come up
It's okay to masturbate while watching the Comey testimony right?
Wearing my one sleeve dress...thought you'd like to know I shaved ONE armpit lol
Listen gotta draw the line somewhere. Apparently that line is at my nuts.
Randomize
