just because you dressed up as a brontosaurus doesn't mean you can poop in my yard and roar at my neighbors
Someone sent me a drink from across the bar. It was water.
I blacked out, started puking and peed on the guy I was hooking up with. Mid hand job.
How old are you? 14? Who gives hand jobs anymore?
Salt in an open wound right now.
Protocol on turning down a date from someone in the House of Representatives?
i'm going through an 80s music phase. and by phase i mean i will only have sex to white snake
Incoming: this is a booty call. To accept, please reply with an appropriate time. To reject, please reply "N" and the information will be filed for future reference.
We would be rich. And the whole world would be stoned.
That's what my new years consisted of. Consoling heartbroken girls and having people throw up in my hands.
It's getting harder and harder to find People to carry her home
She shouldn't drink
We were having sex and my nose just started pouring blood. He reached down to the floor, grabbed a sock and held it to my nose. He just kept pounding away like nothing was happening.
I just ordered cookies for delivery. My life is falling apart.
I bought the restaurant a boat airhorn to wake up sleeping employees.
I love you
You were lost on foot. Texted us and told us that N*Sync couldn't save you, and then you "met Jesus" in your car.
If by science you mean beer then YES!!!!
She fucked a bartender in a closed Applebee’s and has the nerve to call me easy
Randomize
