My mom was talking about how protein is essential to strong bones and then I told her, I'll give you protein.
How unfortunate for your Mom.
The only reason you're wearing underwear tonight is cause you have a family dinner before
Please explain to me why I only attract Mormon guys. Just explain that to me.
I think it's God trying to counter your lustful nature. Imagine if Agnostics liked you. You'd never come out of your bedroom.
Im already sauced. Have been for hours. Its kinda my thing.
no really all good couples have similar hair colors!
My facebook horoscope today said I will have a little "confusion". Obviously astrology understands a blackout.
white shorts are a girls way of saying "im ready to fuck cuz its not my time of month"
You do realize that we got a stripper to do the YMCA for us on the main stage... Right?
He was so drunk he was throwing the bowling balls into other lanes on purpose. He still beat my high score thought.
Discovered that a nalgene holds an entire bottle of wine. Going mobile. Come find me.
Haha its fine we ask know it. He's still cool thought
Focus on the keyboard man. Focusssss
We need a hype man... Like a DMX type dude to just up the ante constantly...
WHO TURNS DOWNA FRESHLY WAXED VAGINA IN A MAIDS COSTUME LITERALLY LAYING IN YOUR BED
I need to hurry up and get over my feelings for him so next year's tipsy reunion sex won't be clouded by emotions.
Um. I just realized I still have a beer in my purse from last night. I'm at work. I am so classy.
Randomize