I decided you couldn't drive after you asked where the time circuits were on your Altima
I wanted to see November 5, 1985
i swear i just saw perry the platypus. the fuck dude. i shouldnt even know who that is
Is it penis luge time yet?
Of course I lose my iPhone but still manage to hold on to the ruler for my dirty teacher costume
Taking a semester off always leads to bad things like having a baby or getting married
I gave him head in my cape. On the kitchen floor. Watching a show about bacon.
I'm just crazy horny about you
he told me "apparently my gag reflex doesn't work so if you magically grew a penis I would deep throat you"
he said he was going grocery shopping but when he came back all he had was a jumbo bag of pancake mix and case of beer.
the essentials, lol
That awkward moment when your boyfriend tries to have sex with his go pro on #hdporn
So when I walked out, everyone was chanting ONE OF US, someone draped a lei over my head, and then she grabbed my ass and dragged me back into the bedroom. I'd say it was a pretty good night to lose my virginity.
I tried to flirt with him by saying "catholics are cool" and he handed me a cup of water so i called him jesus and thanked him for the wine
Morning fuck and a coffee. ARE YOU READY TO CONQUER THE GALAXY WITH ME??
Me too...I'm driving to work trying to figure out if I put my pants on the right way.
Once again, marijuana saves me from going to jail
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