Today a TA in one of my classes told me he thought I was 35 and going back to school as an adult learner. Alcohol is working me.
well this feels familiar. awake at the crack of dawn laying in the fetal position praying for the sweet release of death. i think im done with jager for a while
Dude manswers just said that a guy can only cum up to eight times in one day. I'm gonna prove that show wrong.
ha well at least you have goals.
officially spring now- first drug bust of the season across the street.
He was at the bottom of the stairs showering himself with the popcorn, then eating a few handfuls and running around.
the two person party stopped when i realized that he tried to throw a hammer at my head.
you did a full monologue with your sober self last night. different voices and everything.
Dude you went around coming up behind people and whispering in their ears. I dont know what you said but they looked terrified when you left.
Bro that's the last time I try to stick my penis in a bowl of jello. I can't believe your sister ate that, did she not see my dick mold
Woke up behind one of the fraternity brothers houses in the grass wearing a guinness hat and aviators hugging a 30 rack box with a zonie on my chest next to a campfire.
It all went downhill when I figured out I could launch myself into people with my crutches
Hey, scratch that. I've shit 8 times today. I don't have the energy to get laid so I cancelled my date.
The hat, the beard, the hard posing - like who does he think he is?
A bag of dicks
That's dating life
If you fuck up my birthday by dying I will kick your fucking corpse.
Sex in the backyard? Check.
Randomize
