I just ran from Santa Claus in Kroger
I'm wearing the bright blue sombrero all through the airport as a sign of triumph that I survived spring break. I'm getting compliments
I don't see why you're so upset, it's not like you were wearing pants either.
do you guys have 30-35 shot glasses? because if not, i don't even see a point in me coming
do you think semen can infect my impacted wisdom tooth
one of the RAs is here. he told me his name is optimus prime and then took his shirt off and fell down
Ummmm you know you're drinking vodka out of a Skittles bag, right?
Lol okay. He's gonna show up with like a trunk of sex toys. He's like the mary poppins of hotel fucking.
tonight were gonna drink champagne and watch girls put themselves in awkward position
The sound of my own breathing is making my head throb. That hungover.
Let's just says his mouth writes a lot of checks that his penis just can't cash. Don't waste your time.
Somehow i instagrammed my acceptance letter while blacked out. Then my grandma was the first to comment on it. I got over 50 likes....Phd here I come....
was that the third sophomore you've banged this week?
third one in three days
I might be drinking a 4-day old opened beer on a Wednesday. You're in no position to judge me.
It would have only made it one day at my place.
Let's make a rule now, to not smoke weed out of our trumpets. After tonight.
Randomize
