So I don't think its herpes anymore. Could be a sign of diabetes though. Is it bad that I consider getting diabetes 'dodging a bullet'?
Just saw a white stretch Hummer limo outside of CiCi's pizza. Way to live up to the stereotypes, Alabama.
$22.99 left in the bank til payday = 3($7 jack & coke) + 2($0.89 T-Bell taco) + $0.21 in case of emergency.
math is fun
You should probably wake up already as I have yet another story for you. Teaser? Blood from knife wound. Tequila. Guitar hero. Kitchen counter. Lawyer.
Well, we missed our public lewdness court date. Looks like were going to jail in Alabama ...
I'm pretty sure you're not supposed to hit on someone with another guy's semen in your hair. not even at ihop.
Correct me if I'm wrong here... but did we serenade each others breasts to "winds of change" last night?
I knew he was a nice guy, because when we switched positions he flipped the mattress so I wouldn't have to lay in a pool of his sweat.
I'm texting you from across the beer pong table to tell you that the drunk chick you brought over needs to disappear. like now.
She's like a solid nine. Well maybe not a tomorrow morning nine, but she's a nine right now and trying to take me home.
just imagine me sitting naked on a toilet with a fully-clothed dude i havent seen in 2 years, trying to make normal conversation except that im covered in blood and he's helping wipe me down while i try not to pass out because blood makes me NERVOUS. And he's apologizing and i'm apologizing.
Still alive. Just brushed my teeth with fireball.
I hate her so much I want to fuck her boyfriend.
can you take a pic of your glorious tits but not send it just yet? I need motivation to finish this bull shit presentation.
I woke up alone, naked in her bed staring at a lifesize poster of edward cullen,actually I'm lying I did have socks on
Randomize
