Kirsten Dunst is sitting next to me in a bar in NYC
Tell her I want my money back for Elizabethtown.
Woke up with feathers in my hair. at work. still drunk. sooo awkward.
As much as I'm all for laying on his living room couch, watching spongebob and having spoon sex, it's becoming a routine.
I didn't think it was possible, but that girl next door is even louder when drunk.
He asked me to spit in his mouth. I did. Never let me hook up with this guy again.
No exaggeration. At the gas station she handed me the mop from over the counter and told me that's my last drink of the night
I ended up naked with smirnoff caps on my nipples. Dignity is now a completely foreign concept to me.
We're going to party like we don't have spanx on
I can give you five reasons its your baby
and I can give you 10 reasons it's not, but I'm busy so I'll just go with you have the wrong number. And also I'm a straight girl.
So my parents just watched me pour their rum into a bottle and only add crystal light powder, no water... Talk about being judged. All I could say was "Cortland tricks?"
just so you know.. snorkeling hungover: great decision. I was throwing up and he couldn't even tell!
You were wearing a sequin mini, with Tevas. And you still got laid.
You took his virginity and then he got lost on his way back to his hotel room... We found him at 3am sitting on the sidewalk crying. Kudos.
I just shook glitter of my birth control packet so I’d say it’s safe to say it was a good weekend
woke up, covered in gummy bears, with a note that said "the gummy army won"
Randomize
