Omg. Get me out of here. Someone is playing michelle branch.
He's the biggest piece of shit to ever exist. He's not even wearing shoes.
Guys, I'm sleeping in the BOYNTON LAUNDRY ROOM. if you can, come let me out in the morning as I have no keys. I might be in the study room possibly. DON'T FORGET. I will be trapped
I had my first sober conversation with his roommate. I remembered half way through that the first time we met I was getting fucked on his counter
I've been living off of popsicles and broth.
No He hasn't done that since the time he came in his own eye
She literally got down on all fours and I swear did a 360 degrees head rotation exorcist barf...and then moaned IT WAS THE TACO BEEEELLLLLL
so no, not her best night
Life is so difficult sometimes. Can you imagine? Going through life, constantly creating boners everywhere you go.
Best sex of my life. But I think it's because I like his apartment. Really nice bed sheets. High vaulted ceilings. I wanted to lay there forever.
You're getting old. Was it located in a nice school district for your future offspring?
What's his name?? He crossfits 6 times a week, works in finance & is into the occasional felony class drug. His name is irrelevant in order to know if I wanna bone him again.
Well he was mad because I chose tequila over him. He obviously doesn't understand that he will always be second to my first true love.
woke up in the back seat of my car with a naked chick and my brother tapping on the window. yup, what a night
Just bought a colored water bottle so my classmates can be so judgemental when I bring beer to class.
This whole quitting my bad habits all at once is really messing with my ability to function.
The weekend was a blur. There was vodka and penises and orgasms. I played a game of Cock Roulette and won big
Randomize
