Can i come over
After you called me a desperate slut? No
Come over
You'd love this place it's beautiful. Plus these people smell like garlic
I've come to the conclusion that as a grad student I would much rather prefer to get laid then get drunk
I think you know full well that a few years ago my stance was the polar opposite
he confessed his love for me, threw up on my pillow and then fell asleep on said pillow. i met him last night.
better than last weekend. things are really looking up for you.
I walk in to see her roommate half naked on their stripper pole. I knew I was home.
Im holding a competition......who saw me last, and who knows how my nose got bruised? you earn points for answering either question. and for bringing me water.
my boss told me he would look for my wallet when he went back to the strip club tonight.
He has a clip art-style heart tattooed on his hip. I hated him way before I saw his tiny dick.
I just told a kid I was in a wheelchair because Santa shot me due to me being on the naughty list. You should have seen this little bastards face
YOU GOT KINKY WEIRD ICE CREAM HEAD ON FRIDAY DONT EVEN COMPLAIN.
I don't question myself. That's what I have you for.
I'm honored.
im half tempted just to scoot up to him and whisper "I'm not wearing underwear" but idk if thats a heartfelt apology
I'm just drunk enough to be eating egg rolls on the toilet
Attention, i sprayed windex on me to disguise the scent of sex and regret off my clothes from last night
I'm floating on a rainbow and a purple elf is giving me advice. COME NOW!!!
Randomize
