Can you send me a pic of you vag, I'm sexting the guy and he wants a pic but I didnt shave
dude are you serious?
I know you already have a pic on your phone
Either way I should probably pregame on the plane
grown man stumbling drunk down green street wearing nothing but a hot dog costume and crying. its not even noon yet.
I feel like my teeth are sweating.
FYI, your girlfriend is on her way to the ER. She tried to balance a bottle of jack on her chest. Smashed toes, blood all over patio. Call her, kinda funny though.
I wasnt going to have sex with him until i ran into his gf at chipotle. It was like the gods were saying "Go ahead. Shes already had her burrito for the day"
Apparently you can coat check a keg.
I took my exam the next day still drunk and failed, but I kno for a fact that I filled in the bubbles for my name perfectly
ok it turns out chain mail does not protect against falling down a flight of stairs. please send help.
Well I can cross being naked in a minivan off the list
Who shows up to work two weeks ago still drunk and freshly high on blow and gets a promotion and a raise? This girl. Good at business. Super good at being fucked up.
So Doritos and vodka was obviously not as good an idea as I thought at the time.
Apparently I showed all your grooms men my vagina to prove I did not have underwear on. Awesome
I dont even know what happened i just remember waking up with beer cans outlining my body...
"Why is there a bottle of Tequila taped to the fan?"
Randomize
