I found the seven page love letter I had written you. I'm sorry i was so obsessed.
Pretty sure my dad just walked in on me jerking off watching guys on webcam. Remember how I used to say "most awkward day of my life?" I'm retiring that phrase.
it's not our fault the pink and the sink are so close together.
genius idea. im gonna paint my penis green like the serpent of sex
did you hook up at the wedding?
No but I jerked off on the hotel sheets. I wanted to get my moneys worth.
I just saw a van full of amish parents and their kids. Those cheating mother fuckers!
Do you think the party boat will still go out if there is a hurricane?
Talking about the game in the closet with a banana wearing sunglasses.
There's a pair of socks on the bar. No-one's questioned this.
You destroyed the landscape if my vagina FOREVER.
Hey, I didn't ask that stripper to put her unds in my mouth, it was just covered by the plus package fee I ordered.
Liver, I have supported you for 18 fucking years. Pull your weight for ONE NIGHT and detoxify this alcohol.
Lets get coked out and steal a parrot this summer
I found out my butt plug has a metal core at the airport security checkpoint...
Somehow I woke up next to the bouncer who kicked us out of the bar last night...
Randomize
