I'm starting a business if you want to get involved
oh boy
Its called Cut N Tugs, haircuts with happy endings
I saw his package. It spoke to me.
I have no memory of puking on someone. Was he cute?
tonight, alcohol would be proud of us
How do you tell if you're on the terrorist watch list?
He stole her cigarettes and walked 15 miles just so he wouldn't have to wake up next to her. God I love being a lesbian.
the guy sitting next to me at the bar has a patrick swayze tattoo hovering over a roast beef sandwich. 'merica.
The bachelorette started when I opened the door and they threw a few dozen dildos at me.
I do NOT want my proposal story to start "...he was peeing on me and then..."
He told me he needed "space" but then goes and likes my insta of panacakes.. Done.
Got home & pissed on my moms carpet like a bear in the woods. I woke up to a picture message with me passed out on the floor with my pants down & hands covering my face. I've had an awkward week
It's not my fault you decided to fall in love with a Frodo Baggins lookalike
The one that slept in my truck and you peed in his face?
It’s the biggest dick I’ve ever seen. His IQ drops 25 points when he’s hard because there’s no blood going to his brain
Must lick fork, like it's a DICK
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