I only have two rules. But i've fotgotten those rules and replaced them w 2 other rules
how was that guy you hooked up with?
i used to think blowing a .05 was a good thing
i just caught my roommate coming out of the bathroom half naked with a surge protector. he told me he didn't wanna talk about it.
I wish they made sweatshirts for legs
you mean pants?
well..after leaving the bar you handed me your wallet and said you didnt need it cause you were going to find the cash cab and added 'i'll see you on tv'
i ditched last period to have sex with him. i had to change into my skank clothes in the church parking lot. little kids were on the swings.
nothing about this is right.
He just walked in our room casually and said "big girls are hungry"
She wasnt impressed wen i brought a guy for her back with me, a 3am impromptu sperm donor is not a gd birthday present. Im a bad gf.
He has an intense fear that my cat will attack his balls while we're fucking
Im in mikes bed telling my vagina I'm sorry in advance.
I was wondering why he was in my phone as "Cat Guy", he seemed pretty normal. Then when we woke up he was wearing a shirt with a picture of his cat on it. The name stays.
I do believe that seeing camel toe in leopard print pants at Walmart is the closest I will ever come to going on a safari
I JUST GOT WOKEN UP TO HIM PISSING ON ME SAYING "IT HAS TO HAVE WATER TO GO TO THE BATHROOM" AND AFTER HE FINISHED HE DIDNT REMEMBER DOING IT
i’m blowing bubbles in my bloody mary so yeah it’s pretty much time to go
I told my mom that I was just gonna go check the mail. It's been 19 hours, and I woke up in a hot tub covered in chocolate, with a text from her sayin "have fun sweetie"
Randomize
