I don't know what I could have possibly done in a past life to deserve watching my boyfriend projectile vomit margaritas and probs blood while completely naked.
names aren't important. just tell him all you want is a lil make out sesh and keep it moving.
New development. Drinking at work is so easy and awesome I might have to do it everyday.
Hey if there is a better reason to go drink then "I've been fucking robbed!" I have yet to hear one. Also, I've been fucking robbed.
Unless you have figured out how to blow me through the phone don't drunk dial me.
future-me showed up mid trip and gave us a thumbs up.
You would be my first round pick for a drinking team
Now I'm heckling that my belch is more exciting than their fireworks and I peed down the driveway.
So apparently blacked out me judges a man based on what type of dinosaur he would be...
I GOT JUDGED BY A GUY WORKING AT THE LEAST CLASSY STRIP CLUB. Peeing isn't a right, it's a privilege.
Hey. My eyes swollen shut and I can't find my shoes. How was your night?
Yea. I feel great. My life is great. My job isn't as shitty. And my daddy loves me. I love strip clubs. Great self esteem boost.
He follows more cats on Instagram then he does girls.. That's how you know your boyfriend is whipped.
If my body were a person, it would be beating the shit out of me for what I did to it last night.
She ripped her shorts off and yelled "VAGINA TIME!"
Randomize
