How many nights a week you wake up with sticky boxers cause you were dreaming of Clay Aiken? Your wife mad?
Just saw my boss eat a banana in three bites.
i think guys can sense when i'm not wearing underwear
Also do the "tongue the pee-hole" thing.
WHAT IS WRONG WITH SOCIETY?!?!?!
... says the kid who took a shit in my parents dishwasher...
We watched a biography of Frida Kahlo in class today. It was depressing. A chick with a UNIBROW just put my sex life to shame.
i think i should save myself the $200 for a prom dress. i mean why bother. its just going to be covered in vodka/jizz/and puke by the end of the night.
guy at the corner shop gets out a bottle of tequilla and a pack of malboro light whenever he sees me through the door. makes me feel loved and cared for
I knew she was going to get knocked up just by looking at her facebook pics
his mom found me in the closet hiding and the only thing i could think of was to sit there and wave.
I am moving slowly w him. I havent even masturbated to him yet.
He's drinking red wine in a margarita glass. He couldn't be more perfect for me.
we tried to steal a tractor last night. you should have come out.
nothin like your phone freezing up and sending out old booty calls at 11am on a sunday. fml.
He always takes me to get taco bell after we hook up in his car. It's sort of become a booty call tradition.
Randomize
