Ha. Yes. I'm at a strip club. I'm the barack obama of strip clubs
Let's hear it for middle of the street handjobs ladies and gentlemen
I just sat in the Taco Bell drive-thru waiting for a trash can to take my order. Yes, that high.
Fucked her within an inch of her life. Seriously. Don't choke bitches when they ask. Was way too drunk to be pulling that shit.
She just started grabbing all the hospital's rubber gloves and face masks and shoving them in her purse, saying, "My tax money paid for these!"
He kept dropping hints about giving me crabs. Like he called my pubes a nest and said he "hoped there weren't any eggs in there."
Just headbutted a photographer. This convention just got really interesting.
Typing up notes at the bar and doing shots with the bartender until close on a Wednesday. This is what my second year of law school has become.
I have what looks like a rubber stamp mark on my cock from last night that says "Magic Marla Approved" Do we know a Marla?
You forgot the part where I played Slip and Slide with my own puke and fucked up my knee.
This is stupid. I am not getting knocked up from fucking in his backseat behind a starbucks. I refuse.
He congratulated me by offering up free orgasms.. I told him I also had a birthday last month we needed to celebrate.. He was there in ten minutes.
I'm going to get high and eat ice cream until the pain goes away. You're welcome to join.
There's no such thing as shame in your world, is there?
I jumped the fence at the bar last night. My dress got stuck and I ended up flashing the entire patio for a good 30 seconds.
At the 10 second mark everyone started to whistle and cheer. Free drinks all night
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