so he went down on me and i thought i heard him say "you're smelly" to my vagina
i got awkward and finally asked him what he said
he actually said "you want some dick?" to my vagina. which is worse? either way he's talking to it
A. What the fuck are period panties? B. Don't ever wear them around me... or bears.
im swimming of confusion and bacardi. where do i go from herrrrrre
all I know is I'm really rwfly really really stoned and a bunch of Korean people are yelling at me
All I remember is mattress sliding down the stairs while giving him a blow-job. Sorry you had to witness the incident.
He blew a .19 and then slurred "well I did have some rum cake earlier today officer".
Yeah dude I should be out of the ER in about an hr. They gave me vallium. Go tell the captain its time to set sail.
and I think you ate the old crusty spaghetti on the counter when we came home last night judging by the carnage
Yeah except my drinking partners aka my parents went to sleep Cuz ya know, they're old.
I don't remember, but I believe your goodnight phrase was "nice meeting you, thanks for not macing me"
I have meat and whiskey. will you bring condoms?
If y'all wanna know how far the apple fell from the tree I'm sexting during Easter service. Mom would be so proud 😳
I wish I could be the kind of drunk Bobbi is... She stumbles around outside at 4am with a broken high heel and babbling about rainbows and getting dick...
Heyyyy, naked guy in your kitchen, can i ask you a quick question about a legal situation in pb??
So he called his lawyer from the bar to confirm the cost of hitting the douchebag before flooring him. I respect his planning skills.
Randomize
