I am now Facebook friends with Donkey Lips from Salute Your Shorts
if my vagina gave out awards, he should be preparing acceptance speaches for the oscar, the heisman and the nobel peace prize.
Dude you can't like a status about me getting hit by a car
Alcoholism comes in two forms... Us.
the elusive kegmastree, who's mystery is only exceeded by it's power
I know. I almost started crying. IN WHAT UNIVERSE IS THAT A TURN ON?!
He tried to use a signal flare to light the bong
And?
He melted the stem
I literally just wiped coffee off of the corner of my mouth with my boob because my hands were full. Thought youd be proud. Good morning!
I need a thor helmet and I need to find my heavy duty drinking mug
k. The important thing is we are going out. You are stones. I am mildly hallucenating.
Sorry about flashing you in front of your mom.
There's no winning that game with me. It's either "Can I walk home at the end of the night," or "am I throwing up trying to sleep in the front yard." Rules are irrelevant.
I can count on one hand the number of good things that happened over the past year.
I'm just hoping that with all the times he's puked in my yard a mushroom field might grow.
She climbed in my window blew me and left. She's in my phone as the blow job fairy
Randomize