I swear she didn't look like that last week.
took him home. told him i would rock his world. passed out. a for effort f for follow thru
the last three girls i tried to get with all believed in abstinence... i think gods trying to keep me from being a father
i think girls just don't want to fuck you
If him repeating sorry while thrusting isn't makeup sex than I don't know what else is
No more tipping the bathroom attendant with your phone.
Call me when you wake up. I wanna start drinking but I'm giving up hope on my life if I drink alone before 10 am
I am too hungover to address any of this right now, every time i move it feels like i'm being bitch slapped by the hand of God
That's the best thing about having gay dads, you don't gotta do shit on mothers da and everybody is down wit getting wasted on mimosas at brunch
Sorry, I was trapped in a small closet behind a washer. What's up?
I think the fact that I stole someone's mail and broke my big toe means that I should consider taking some time away from vodka
After the day I've had, I can't decide if donuts or fireball would be the appropriate priority.
I can't believe you cupped pat's balls to prove your fake relationship
Let me atleast have my coffee before you start talking about your penis
Just had an emotional break through with the dog. That high.
But I think I successfully seduced her with my alias.
Randomize
