so I'm never txting u again after today...
y?
cuz i don't wanna see it on blogspot :)
ha...too late
after the first blizzard, i went out and bought a thirty and put it in a cooler and hid it out in the backyard. now the second blizzard has deposited 2 feet of snow on top of said cooler. there is a shovel and treasure map over here waiting for you
I just puked while everyone was releasing balloons. Im to hungover for this memoial service. Rest in peace great gramps.
she looked at me completely serious and said "orgasms are 15% Stronger during a hurricane" and started to take all her clothes off
Just met another girl you fucked but this time in seattle. Your cock gets almost as much mileage as jet blue. Anaheim and seattle both say hi, figured you don't remember their names.
Attention ladies coming to the party tonight! Tonight will be another chance to win the 5 bucks for getting my cousin hard. Bring your a-game, no one has been able to overcome the whiskey dick yet. Good luck.
I think I won over his best friend. He was staring at my boobs all night.
I can't even properly respond cuz I'm ballsdeep in falafel
I'm at a loss. By loss I mean singing songs from Wicked and pretending I'm at the Oscars
my roommate woke me up with head. more awkward than it sounds.
I'm somewhere between crying and wanting to orgasm.
When Dad gets to your house, ask him about the sound of anal beads. Happy Thanksgiving!
it's like my ID runs away from me when it knows it's time for me to drink
I might need to come puke in your toliet on the way home
just saw two eagle scouts making out in chic-fil-a
Randomize
