Ate pizza for the 3rd time today, can't decide if that's disgusting or an amazing aspect of American culture.
We named our saturday intramural dodgeball team "we're hungover". Pretty much just an excuse to fuel my alcoholism on friday nights.
he said he got tested two months ago... he goes with his whole family.
His mom always writes on my facebook right after we have sex. it's like she knows. with her scary mom psychic powers
I could only remember yelling "rip it down" as he ninja jumped off the bed, kicked the wall, and superman punched the fire alarm off the ceiling.
I've always wondered why you never put the hotel room in your name...
i've never been that scared in my life. i ran naked into the corner and he just stood there trying to shield his boner from the light.
Yelling back at the people on Jerry springer through the TV, and eventually punching it. Failure of a night.
Have fun in Vegas! Be safe, use condoms, and take a pic of Jon beforehand to give out when he goes missing. It will help the police.
LEAVE ME AND MY NIPPLES ALONE
We were so sore from having sex that we decided to fix it with more sex. It's the hair of the dog for sex hangover.
You are attracted to power and since you can't date the married old guy you have to go for the next best thing - his gay son
You casually put your finger in my ass and other people are weird..
I enjoy the company of your penis
she just sent our roommates a message asking them for a parakeet. are you gonna call later?
If I'm not naked in the back of a cop car having sex by the end of the night, I did something wrong..
Randomize
