im on my way to getting "i just graduated college with no money, no job, and no plan" drunk
Applied 4 a nanny job usin a Legit Site. Xplain to me how the couple I found offered me a 3some complete with 'sexy pics' of the wife blowin hubby. wtf?
obviously you're part succubus.
First order of business is dropping my 9 am gym class. I'm sweating pure vodka.
Don't EVER smell your tampon
it was like i was on a global safari of uncircumcised men
apparently there was a flour fight and couch sex...
Gin and redbull in a wine glass. They think I'm keeping my wits with a really yellow Chardonnay. Gonna get ugly after a couple.
you're right. i am beautiful. like a May day. frolicking in a meadow of wildflowers. platinum in one hand. pipe in the other. that kind of beautiful.
How early is too early for a booty call on a Monday night?
The multiple male orgasm is a real thing. I've seen it. I've caused it. I called him a unicorn.
Someone is giving away free yogurt on craigslist. Can I get a ride?
I thought he was foreign, but it turns out when you're that drunk, an Ohio accent just sounds Russian.
The moral of the story is this:the last shot of the night is always a mistake
Of course his biggest mistake was assuming that I ever gave a fuck to begin with.
Cover for me. Stopped at Chris’ for a quickie. Broke a high heel and there’s jizz all over my black dress. Fuck pornstars for making workday sex look easy
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