time to smoke my breakfast
it's already thursday and i haven't gotten drunk yet...something's not right.
his penis is PERFECT
I want to put it in a shoebox and place cottonbls around it to protect it from any harm
or knit it little hat
You were competing with my dog to see who had the stronger bark....
dude. i just ate tomato soup with a funnel. we're out of spoon-straws.
I just don't know what he sees in my vagina...and that scares me.
Her stepmother interrupted our sex to tell her it was midnight and she wanted to do a sympathy shot for her 50th.
Don't break up.
I like to think of you as more a magic eight ball of my life's journey?
Can we go one day without you telling me that your dick misses me
Some male strippers are here, I threw pancakes at them. It's ok
They put me in room 420 every time and I take bubble baths and smoke in the room and they bring food TO MY BED
Come over. And we'll put iced coffee in the bong.
if i seriously got my dick up last night, then im taking him to disney world cause thats just fuckin impressive
Now we just need to figure out why your underwear was in your bra
Just found out that the guy I lost my virginity to voted for Gary Johnson. It's almost more upsetting then him ending up being a massive asshole.
Randomize
