Saw 2 former students outside gas station. gave me money to buy 2 12 packs, asked if I wanted to go to their party.
I told them I had a gf and took one of the 12 packs. Come over.
Texas should really raise its teaching standards.
So, I'm pretty sure I just jacked off and my gf 17 m/o son caught me. IDK how long he was standing in the crib, but he definately saw the grand finale.
Yea. The knew something was up when i told them i had to go pick up goat milk and and and a roasted chicken at 2 am
You know its bad when you're praying for a hangover just so you aren't still drunk at work anymore.
no its okay don't call 911, she's alive. just stopped by her house and banged on her door. she said she turned her phone off because she "had to be alone with her shame and embarassment". typical.
so i was trying to be sexy and unzip his pants with my teeth. i got my lip caught in the zipper and it bled for a good 15 min, totally a mood killer.
best thing about halloween? there are pumpkins to puke in EVERYWHERE!
You kept trying to hail an ambulance
In college, I had one standard. Penis. A lot has changed since then. Now I really only have one standard. Breathing.
No, it wasn't really a sexy 'I'm going to go masturbate.' It was an 'I'm going to go masturbate' that implied I was going to drink a tall boy of Mikes and cry while I looked at lesbian porn.
But I did spend part of my morning scrubbing your cum off my grandmothers piano.
In unrelated news guys should not ask what I'm doing/wearing if they can't handle an honest answer. I'm not pretending I'm not sitting on the couch in yoga pants watching Community so you can beat off.
He invited to drink but spelled forties wrong so no thx
She was all for the threesome til I showed her a pic of my boyfriend. I think I should re-evaluate my life decisions.
I'm on a walk of shame carrying YOUR pants. You owe me.
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