I passed out in the cab. Woke up to the cabby yelling SIR SIR WE ARE AT THE TRAIN STATION!! SIRRRR!!
Duck Duck Cougar?
Its like Laser Tag, but more fun because it ends in sex
oh, i've got big weekend plans. on an unrelated note, do you think viagra will work if the guy is roofied?
I'm going on a valentine's date with the random guy i hooked up with in the bar bathroom this weekend...i feel like julia roberts
There's a mechanical bull in the basement dude where are you
I think this shark week should consist of getting drunk enough to actually go hunt sharks ourselves.
I think the worst part about being a real adult is 1)having a high stress job that makes me want to get stoned 2)paying for reefer using my own money 3)realizing my boyfriends children probably have more weed connections than I do anymore
Waffles and pussy, what else is there?
My life has turned into sitting in the driveway listening to Total Eclipse of the Heart while staring at the Blue Moon. Hey, August. Let's be nice. I need help.
DUDE I FINGERED JOE'S MOM, PLS DONT TELL HIM, MORE LATER
Sometimes in life you just have to realize the security deposit isn't worth it.
I'm not saying I love you. I never said I love you. I said that if earth blew up like Krypton you'd be the only person I would like to have inside me when our bodies burn up in a fiery inferno
she said that no one there was hot enough for her so she then proceeded to give the passed out person a lap dance because he was "her type."
just saw those girls we met the other night. i happen to be wearing a bunny suit and driving your smart car. i think its safe to say thats a no go situation.
Randomize
