The mystery has been solved. Seagulls have sex doggy-style.
Then you ran outside and said you were gonna give the snowman a blowjob
bleeding from the face, sitting in a shopping cart and holding a wad of ripped caution tape. what else would i be doing?
I found out his name. Apparently we sat in the shower together and flooded the bathroom.
I also was calling every child by their name "Birthcontrol" - straight people are fun
Pizza delivery...for when you need to eat your feelings for the sex you aren't having
nothing like walking in the house at 3 am in my panties and a sheer shirt carrying a life sized cardboard dale earnhardt jr
I can't even masturbate anymore!! That was my last source of cardio!!
You were just so carefree! People were like, "there's broken glass everywhere" and you were just like, IDGAFFFFFFF
I just want to emotionally destroy him but also find out how big his dick is so this is perfect
I HAD TO PAY A COVER FOR THE FIRST TIME LAST NIGHT. My tits didn't get me in and I was so pissed.
Usually it's tequila, or vodka. But today was just the devil
He's going to be in the air guitar championships in june. Need I say more.
you ripped my door off of the hinges, kicked it in half and then proceeded to throw it down the stairs because i wouldn't make you a cheese burger
I'm alone, 3 beers in, and cutting tshirts into belly tops.
Randomize
