i found literally half of a double sided dildo in my shower. i guess someone went home happy.
my mom is pro-life. I dare you to fuck me.
it's 8 a.m. and there are people having sex at the foot of the strangers bed i'm in. the guy just asked the girl how she lost her baby weight so fast.
She's echoing.. Her head must be in the toilet..
you tried turning the bar into a spelling b competition last night and every time someone couldn't spell something you would make them chug.
So this is what you do on your hungover days off put your balls into an egg carton?
I actually had to tell him that sex doesn't replace my Tupperware. Our relationship has reached a weird level.
omg sorry but i tried to stop you when you were at your drunk limit but i took my eyes off you for like 2 seconds and you suddenly appeared with hard liquor in both hands for yourself and downed them and it was downhill from there
Am I the only one who saw the used condom in the driveway this morning
I sexted him with a GIF from titanic and it worked....
Learn from my mistakes, you naive soul: Gay love triangles are just as dangerous as straight love triangles.
Was i rolling around in a parking lot last night
I'm supposed to be at work in 10 min, I just woke up and am 45 min away...tinder for the win
So? Find me, fuck me, then you can go to sleep and I'll leave.
Wow. That's the most amazing thing anyone has ever said to me.
Rough birthday weekend. Eating McDonalds in the shower and used a fifth of sky as a pillow last night
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