maybe all of them together would equal one normal sized dick.
he just kept saying that he had liquor dick..then he tried to fuck me without removing his pants.
She just came to my house, with puke in her hair, to wake up my dad and scream "happy fathers day you DILF!" at the top of her lungs
How is it possible that I am in a completely different city, and there are 2 dudes here that I've banged? How????
I transported a midget tonight. He got beat up by another, midgetier midget. Is it bad that this is what makes me feel compassion after 15 years of being a paramedic?
Midgetier?
Smaller, yet meaner.
I sat down next to him and my bra just unhooked itself
Because its Monday... And I'm determined to just be drunk for the rest of the semester
I'm happily sitting on the toilet cause I'm too tired to move. I'm considering making this my permanent residence. It has a lot to offer.
I keep picking up boring men who literally just want to cuddle. HOW AM I THIS BAD AT GETTING SEX?
Every time I start to trust vodka, it does this to me.
Aint no party like a Broke College Girls Eating Stuffed Crust Pizza party
Next time you have him paint you an outfit so you can do you walk the street naked TAKE A SHOWER BEFORE YOU GET IN THE BED. MY sheets look like like an acid trip
Just witnessed a man yell "gonna catch a slut!" at himself in the mirror while doing bicep curls at the gym.
I was...perplexed.
Just calling to thank you for not dying. I love you.
I was like ahh were on two different pages, I know there's rumors of me moving to boston but I can't and I'm not adding long distance to the relationship I have with my 31 year old recently divorced ex boss
Randomize
