dude, wtf is with her now? she has stuff up about how i am kicking her while she's down
wtf? who are you bitching about me to now?
i just used burnetts to get spraypaint off the floor of my dorm lobby
Just found out the guy that gave me herpes died. now everytime I get a flare up, it'll be like he's coming back to say hello
He's so young, I keep getting a mental image of him in footie pajamas. It's cute but it's wrong. Or is it?
she smells like cat throw up and cupcakes. i'm trying to focus on the cupcakes but it's really. hard.
I feel like I just tasted lung cancer.
130 PACKAGES of glow sticks! The going rate of a rave is $38.30! GET READY FOR THE GLORGY!!!!!!!!!!!!
Gotcha. Well, I'm puking and trying to keep down water from a mug that says "love the moment" around the rim. Not loving this particular moment.
You gave your boss a bj to get the safe employee of the month award?
When the cab driver starts laughing its a good indication of the standard of girls you are bringing home
Telling the family you're going for a run, getting dressed in workout clothes, and then walking halfway around the block and smoking a joint. This is my life
We moved the bed and she found my vibrator. The entire ride home was a montage of her singing "Are You Lonesome Tonight"
I share a birthday weekend with Easter this year, so that fucking sucks. I hate sharing...and I have to share with fucking Jesus this year.\n
I just took like 30 condoms from the doctors office... no one can say I don't try to save my money.
I think I am just gonna marry that lesbian. She is more of a respectful gentleman than any of the guys I've slept with.
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