She said she didn't have time to shave "there"
Then she shouldn't have had time to order the lobster.
I accidentally screamed the wrong name last night. He stopped for a second, said "fuck it, you're too hot to care," and then continued fucking me.
On the couch having a debate with the dog over whether eating anothr sweet roll will make the hangover better or worse
I say we go and bring jello shots with laxatives. 57% sure one of his toilets is broken
He literally chugged a bottle of wine in under 2 minutes. Stood up, said "fuck what ya heard" and stabbed the bottle into their drywall.
Just realized I'm going to have to make you sign a non-disclosure agreement before my wedding.
I asked him why he was eating an entire can of refried beans, the only answer I got was "revenge"
And to add, there was a fat guy right next to me who, when the girls would shake their butts, he would let out a shrill xena warrior princess cheer
At the end of the night i was really thirsty and tied to a bedpost
It's not as funny as it sounds. I shit myself at the company Christmas party.
I don't need no damn man when I have the cock-a-nator 2000.
My disapointment is making my balls hurt :(
BITCH I AM EXPERIENCING THE FEMININE MYSTERY SHUT UP AND GIVE ME DRUGS
I loaned him a tie and then had to tie it for him. I'm like his weird lesbian girlfriend.
No, he wouldn't have sex with me....but on the brightside I managed to fit the entire falafel sandwhich in my purse!!
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