hickory dickory dock, please dont tell me about your cock
I want a gay best friend. or apple sauce either one is fine with me
two words: fractured penis. two more: emergency room.
i keep forgetting that not all of my female friends are bisexual.
I kept feeling my boobs..just to make sure they were still there.
Made a salesman quit his job, a saleswoman cry, and got a manager to half shout "fuck this"....successful drunk Christmas shopping
So the same day I accidentally bought waterproof mascara is the day I accidentally had shower sex. The world is finally on my side.
he confused my yawn for an orgasm
You cant carve pumpkins without vodka. It's a Halloween tradition.
I missed rounds this morning...my senior resident hooked me up to and IV and made me stay in the clinic because he said I didn't look presentable enough to walk around the hospital
She just walked up to him and was like "you should fuck Angela" and it worked! She is the ultimate wingman
i projectile vomited shoeless at 7:30 a.m. in a taco bell parking lot. never again.
So I got this new job… ever been fucked in a corner office before?
you could be the only one getting laid right now....yet your sitting in here making goat noises
I melted cheese on my pizza rolls. When I die make sure someone melts cheese on my rolls.
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