Oh my god! She wrote the word ''hi'' in HAIR on the shower wall. What the fuck?!
all i wanted to do was something grown up. like go to applebees and drink.
I just figured out, there are 9 children in this world that I can look at in the face and say "I fucked your mom."
he's speaking broken english and calling me isaac.. this is not the australian i ordered for a one nighter
Fire alarms went off at reception of gay wedding im at. We all had to evacuate until FD got here. Then...ill just text the photos.
I wouldn't be surprised. You and I have basically synced up our brain chemistry by doing drugs together in the same way that two girls would sync their menstrual cycles by sharing a house.
I woke up naked wrapped in my roommate's towel with one leg shaved and money thrown all over the room. Happy 21st birthday.
I Can't even believe I threw all my pizza rolls at her, I mean not only did i ruin a good meal but now I dont have anymore
I'm not sure if I should be proud of you for having morals or disappointed in you for letting your sex life get this sad.
Ski vacations are for hooking up with randoms. It's like I don't even know you
Don't tell me 'the Fonzie' doesn't work. Went to see Shakespeare high and gave the sign to the dude playing Macbeth. Now at a cast party getting blown. All hail the Fonz.
You know you went through something intense when you actuallu applaud yourself for not shitting your pants
We were fucking in the back of my truck and no joke a skunk came up and sprayed us. How am I supposed to explain this to my parents
It's one of those "I can't stand you but we're stuck in the same hotel room tonight so let's fuck until one of us passes out" kind of nights.
all im saying is 27 is too old to still be drinking 40s, you make more money than me, buy some decent shit
screw you you golddigging beer snob
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