Approach what situation? Look, I dunno if you think I'm like some lezbo cheetah waitin in some shrubs to pounce on you the second I see you, but I'm not!
well, everyone in my office is getting a nice laugh right now. But seriously... please delete my number
yea ive hooked up with like half those guys
and i've hooked up with the other half...when our powers combine, we are captain slutbag
Word to the wise: learn how to ask "What is my bail posted as" in French before traveling abroad.
You found Muppets From Space a little too intense, so you just sorta sat on the ground and stared at the wall plug for an hour and a half.
We woke up, fucked, and shared a piece of my sister's first communion cake for breakfast.
And you thought you were going to hell last weekend.
On a scale of 1 to last weekend, how hungover are you?
We had break up sex twice. He said one was cause he had to say goodbye to both tits.
I just used my glow stick from the dance to find my way in the bathroom to puke. Who wants me on their corporate team
I asked my boss to leave early for a booty call. She said yes. See.... everyone sees it's important I get laid.
I want a shirt that says, "I'm sorry for the things I said when it was Taco Tuesday"
She says the reason I don't talk to her is because I'm "emotionally lazy" what ever that means
What's the best way to tell a guy he can call me when his impending divorce is finalized?
Grandma keeps pulling a bottle of captain from her pocket and spiking people's drinks.. She just yelled "I'm DAMN HOT to be a grandma!" .. I LOVE HER.
I don’t want to brag, but vows, morals and will power are no match for my blow job skills
Probably some sort of karmic revenge for me looking at titties somewhere along the way
and for that you shall suffer
God: I won't strike you down, but I shall introduce your child to Doja Cat during a quarantine
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