I woke up this morning to the buzzer on my oven going off... I cooked fish sticks at 425 degrees for 5 hours last night. my house smells awesome
it makes it look bigger when i shave, i hope its not the same for a girl
We're learning about the color wheel. Hello college.
right before he passed out he said "take care of your tender spirit"
Just for future reference: milk is NOT a good mixer no matter how drunk you are.
I think if I could use my boobs as a second pair of hands everything would be ok
when i got home she was standing in my front yard not wearing a shirt and halfway crying/ halfway laughing
Nope, had to pee on the side got violated by tall grass. Then someone came around the corner and I had to stop mid pee to dive into the car.. Pants down
Her tutu was on the floor and she wouldn't take off her crown. She kept saying you're fucking a princess!
The only math I use in every day life is figuring out how much I can spend on alcohol and still have money to pay my bills. High school lied to us.
It's the 3rd day of the year and I've already sucked two dicks. New year same ole me.
I was really proud of me too last night! Found a discarded hamburger that I have no memory of at the foot of the bed. Instead of a Dude. I'm really growing as a person
I would ride that face into the sunset
He told you he loved you. Then you wanted to find a chainsaw to cut his dick off.
His ass is a ten, but his personality is a two. Which would average to a six if I didn't have to figure in apologizing to all and sundry. In short hard no. Get a new wingman.
Randomize
