apparently you CAN get banned from Nascar.
I can't make any promises. I've tried my best to stay celibate. But if a guys on top of me, Im gonna tell him to stick it in.
:( I miss blowjobs.
This is probably the strangest conversational segue we've ever had.
felt a little awkward waiting for my McNuggets after vomiting all over the counter
it's like your virginity...sometimes you have to pretend like it's still there
I convinced a girl to do a shot of salsa someone fell through the whole on the porch and Sara swallowed a beer tab
Ok the fact that you know THAT phrase perfectly is terrifying. You just proved you can slut it up in mulitiple languages.
He taped the number 420 over all of his clocks
Hey, i turned the toilet into a water fountain. Drink up.
I would rather get explosive diarrhea at the aquarium than go home alone tonight
It was drunk tag. I was Alice in wonderland chasing a ballerina who was chasing Lance Armstrong who had needles in his arms.
First sex of the summer I'm winning 1-0
GET HOME NOW
Oh shit
You rinsed the beer pong ball off in my White Russian
I was in a bad mood so I guilted her into giving me $100 on a weekly basis and now I feel bad but I don't know how to tell her I hustled her
I went looking for them and I pulled my pants down and peed on the lawn. I found my phone in the same spot in the morning.
Randomize
