I wish I was a guy so I could jack myself off anytime I wanted to
my bed looks and feels like i need to buy plan b.
My parents just told me I first got drunk when I was 4. Successsssssss
How long is the appropriate time period between a pregnancy scare and breaking up with my girlfriend?
The bartender let me pay my bar tab with my itunes giftcards.
An alarm set every 45 minutes saying "FATTY" and one every afternoon saying "CASPER" every day until spring break is a foolproof plan to being bikini ready
I'm officially "accidentally set myself on fire" drunk
I feel like my vagina stays drunk longer than the rest of me. It's always super sensitive and hungry the day after drinking.
the kid throwing up and laying face down on the deck just asked ME if I'M okay...
MY roomie made me a chinese name- it's supposed to mean 'the girl of a thousand sins.'
Why are you awake at 6am and liking photos from rando Russian chicks on Instagram?
do you want me to tag you in the pics from the party?
Hmm. Use your judgment. Bootlicking pics are probably not ok. Otherwise fine.
Someone brought brownies to work and I was skeptical to eat one then I remembered I was at work and there is no way there is weed in them. Haha I'm blaming you for that.
I want to buy weed from this guy on Tinder but I'm not sure I should trust him...but it's free delivery
Freshly fucked must agree with my hair cause I've gotten compliments on it this afternoon
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