Call me Kermit cause I'm about to go piggin
Ew, dude I just walked in on my boss masturbating in the supply room at the restaurant. He didn't see me so I quickly shut the door and pretended like it didn't happen. And then literally five minutes later he came up to me and cupped my face with his hands and told me what a great employee I was. I got a promotion but I'm fucking scarred for life. I can't stop cringing.
One of my residents in my hall just found my positive pregnancy test from last year I hid behind the fridge, I'm just going to tell them it was for a science project.
My RA just tried to write me up for having sex too loudly during quiet hours.
Apparently he ran around last night saying he was 'the hulk hogan of muff diving'
I feel like i got beat with a pillowcase full of tequila shots.
For my job application I just put "community gardener- personal business" for my previous work experience in place of the neighborhood pot grower/distributor
After he convinced me that my friend had died and come back to life, I decided I was having sex with him that night, and that I should lay off the drugs for a while.
He told me I had nice tits + they have a great shape. + then proceeded to flatten my boob + show me what the gross tits he's seen look like.
That was a $3000 rug we rolled him down the hill in.
Ed's in which sucks about a thousand cocks... But thats 1800 less than working with Alex so it's gonna be a good day
I've been here for three hours and I am already feeling sorry for whatever offspring i will indefinitely produce in this place.
I pray for you bro.
Woke up this morning with an extra $35 and someone else's ATM receipt. How much did I drink last night?
I might as well just sew it shut at this point.
he called me his ex's name during sex then proceeded to cry while still in me
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