my voice of reason is faarrr too drunk for me to listen.
I totally need to blow more fat guys. His cum tasted like vanilla ice cream
thats the sluttiest christmas spirit ever.
Now she's making me sit here and look at pictures of guys she likes who look like bears. She's calling them her bear friends.
it was either a really good one night stand or a really really good first date. thank you online dating
At the ER. Dropped bottle lead to cut foot which led to me drunk hitting on doctors. Not going well.
okay - we take $20 and buy each other some 'drink till we puke' clothes from the thrift store.
So I put a beer on your bed and jumped on th3 other side of the bed like in the commercials. You my good sir, owe me a budweiser that your bed drank.
It's time to run my sex life like a basketball team. Got the lesson Clint!
They had to take me to the ER because I got a concussion in a parking garage. Not partying with lesbians for a while
He said "send me a motivational picture" so I sent one with mayo on my face that said "clearly I'm no stranger to white stuff on my face"...I'm the fuckingng worst
I'm so happy for you. But I still have to shave because a woman has needs and this woman needs an orgasm.
I might be drinking a 4-day old opened beer on a Wednesday. You're in no position to judge me.
It would have only made it one day at my place.
My drug dealer was just on ESPN..
Bud light made chelada as a breakfast for those of us with class at 8 am
Randomize
