why do they call them blowjobs? ....unless i'm doing it wrong?
everyone has their kryptonite. mine just happens to be 18 year old blonde girls.
I just saw a van full of amish parents and their kids. Those cheating mother fuckers!
I hope your perfect outfit is a slutty power rangers outfit. That's been my dream wedding since I was a kid.
I'm gonna make a therapist very happy and very wealthy this semester.
What's sign language for "you may not be the father?" Kinda important right now.
So I get to my parents and walk in the door so my mom knows I'm safe and alive and my grandpa looks at me and says "were you being someone's bitch". And I about died of laughter
Wow, he seems so solid
Jacked up my neck and shoulder hanging on for dear life while I rode him like a boss. Plus my house smells like broccoli, bad! How's YOUR morning?
There a special place in hell for drunk criers. A special FUCKING PLACE
I apparently used the line "I'm a bouncer too so i would know if I were too drunk" then they asked me to leave.
Have you picked out a bathroom stall in which to fuck? Since you've got all this free time before her plane lands...
I thought I was heading girls talk. It was the toilet. Like put my ear to it
Is posting a pic on insta of my previously dyed blue pubes socially acceptable?
I shaved an Xmas tree into my junk.... I placed your present underneath.
remind me again why we thought drinking hungarian moonshine was a good idea
Randomize
