I think my vagina is haunted
Either your mom needs to stop making spagetti or we need to lay off the anal. I cant tell you how much im in pain.
Spagetti cuz im not giving up the other one.
True life I used my fake as a photo id for my final. My professor told me good luck and laughed. Hope the bouncers are in the St. Patrick's day spirit.
so she sprained her ankle somehow and her friend had to carry her out while all 7 of us watched. do we even need to vote on that or is that automatic induction into the hall of shame?
Just grabbed my laptop and a beer to take a shit. Mom gave me a look of disgust. I miss college.
you kept insisting that i was jake gyllenhaal and you were heath ledger.
We did however see an 87 year old guy die and get resuscitated last night at the bar. He then finished his beer and his game of pool.
I just figured you know how to drive a boat and I know how to get drunk. What can go wrong
Then he kept saying sentences and ending them all with "the point of no return" even if it didn't make sense, and kept telling this other guy he wouldn't be his "wife son"
Quick question: is it impolite to pause sex to put on my knee brace?
I don't want to jinx anything but I may have found the one.
Cat or human?
Human
Literally sucked a dick for ten seconds before I said to myself, this tiny ass penis isn't worth it. My night last night
He screamed like a woman when he came then proceeded to sing "you [we] are the champion" by Queen. I think I'm in love.
That's just how I roll. I drink, then tell people I'm either not wearing underwear or I'm training to be a stripper.
BRB. These cougars are squabbling over my junk and one of them is offering to pay my tuition
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