I gotta feeling the economic climate has killed the housewife market
Youll never guess who has to go to fucking planned parenthood because trojan cant make a fucking condom
Tonight i am praying for god to turn my pussy into apple pie because i cant count the number of times bruce chooses food over sex.
Im am drinking whisky alone in my parents basement. I think I just watched the point of no return stroll by.
its 4:30 pm. In the mall. Just threw up into my hands. I love Vegas and Vegas loves me
yeah he couldn't walk in a straight line and started throwing up and told the cop he just has an astigmatism
i think i left a case of beer in your dryer
She grabbed both of our dicks in the pool then said repeatedly, "this is my dream, this is my dream,"
frozen drink friday is suspended until further notice
The ice cream man just told me to use protection.
Sent nudes to my best friend's boyfriend and mom last night. So I'm coping with that on top of my hangover this morning
please remind me of this if i ever start out a night declaring my goal is to see how much american honey it takes for me to forget who i am again
You know if we weren't hooking up I think we'd actually be friends
Wtf. So apparently this 5 star establishment doesn't allow strip putt putt in the parking lot. We all just got kicked out of our rooms.
She was on top, but I lost her at "alright, you look like predator."
Randomize
