just ate frosted cheerios in coffee with some marshmellows. the college diet begins
It's 10am. I'm hungover wearing a flyers jersey and a phillies hat and eating a cheesesteak. I'm not the only one. Best city ever.
a price tag just fell out of my vag. i guess its worth $13.99...
Don't worry we did the "promise to get an abortion" handshake
there's a guy looking for his pants in my room, is he yours?
I thought that u needed a break due the fact that your nipples were bleeding
This number has temporarily been disconnected and will be restored to service once you get rid of you girlfriend.
Im fairly sure two chicks roofied me last night. Suckers. I love free drugs.
I ordered more beers for everyone but had to finish them all. I promptly went outside and projectile vomited in the street. Three times.
You sent me a naked picture of you as a child? How is that normal
Knowing that porn stars want to fall in love is the weirdest thing I've found to be beautiful recently. I'm so lonely.
you are the root of all my greats nights and my worsts decisions
Everytime I give him head I make him rub my back. Teamwork at it's finest.
I have never been that aroused while laughing my ass off in my life
she hand cuffed me to the bed naked, jumped off the dresser naked, hit her head on the fan and knocked herself out. when her mom came home i had to call her for help, she could have died man...
Randomize
