If I were a hot girl. I'd whore around, I'd be awesome.
I think the recipie for awesome sauce is butter and semen
Dude, you were so drunk last night that when we went into subway, you forgot the word for bread.
Checked out the free sonogram van on campus and got a free DVD of my sweet food baby.
There is NOTHING better than watching a child being chased by an ostrich.
I usually would've stopped there but I kinda remember opening the bottle of vodka, and we ALL know that's when things go downhill.
I was out with the drag queens until 7am. This is the hangover I needed to kick my ass back to sobriety. Dear Virgin Mary, fuck my life.
The last thing I remember was naked hot tub and taking a shot and using the hot tub water as a chaser. Not acceptable.
it's not like I want to die, I just want life to stop for a little bit. how does that work?
I am literally sitting here with a jar of Nutella and a spoon, reading an article called "never drink alone again because now there's wine for cats." How single am I?
I'm driving home wearing one sock, boxers, and a tee shirt. That's how good it was
Hahaha more like walk of pride. You entered the lions den last night.
I was so high I watched a 5 minute video of different scenes of horses running. The music was magical.
Do NOT approach him. He has sex with everything. LITERALLY everything, and I DO mean everything. He's so horny we once caught him with his dick in a pumpkin. A legitimate honest to God pumpkin that he bored a hole in
I just found two ugly toothless rednecks fucking in the woods in my backyard. The man shouted at me close the door your letting the stank out which made no sense to me cuz we where outside. Whatever. just another Monday in the Northwoods.
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