I cant go down on him yet. All ive had to eat is olives and percocet. semen would only add to tomorow mornings discomfort.
everything was going good until you started showing off the pictures of poop you took with your phone
We had one of those mutual "I know your on a dating website, I won't tell if you won't" glances.
it got awkward when she realized that our nickname for her was "The Hambeast"
We need to buy some popsicles so we can remind ourselves we're good at this.
some drunk guy just paid $3 for each cig that i picked up off the ground. the cigs that he threw on the ground. I might just follow him the rest of the night
Yeah. she rolled up to the party on a unicycle then peed in the bushes. TA of the year.
he screamed PILLOW FIGHT and hit branden in the head with a pillow that had a fifth of vodka in it. then he asked why he wasnt laughing
Just woke up. Naked. Under an animal pelt. With a girl. I've never met her. She's pretty naked too.
We got high and watched Winnie the Pooh. Isn't that what every normal person does on their break?
Molly was fun. I was in a captain planet onesie in Wal-Mart talking to everyone haha
I'm at my friends house alone, she's at spin class so I'm wearing her engagement ring and eating buffalo wings. It's 9:30am. Happy Valentine's Day.
Will you remind me I changed my hotspot phone password to fuckyouprivilegedwhitedude
I'm not going out, it's sweat pants and gallon vodka night at my place and I'm the only one on the guest list.
This is because you lost at fooseball isn't it?
Little does she know that you've out-sourced your conscience to a girl who doesn't even wear pants on a regular basis
Randomize
