I just spent $27 on things to pee on.
so i decided not to tell her that her fiance is cheating since i already bought the bridesmaid dess
fuck yea just found my unicorn costume from when i was 8... still fits
At the doctor. They're doing a flu test now. He was like "where do you think you got this?" I said "bachelor party. Strippers." he goes "okaaaay I'll put 'other'."
At least my shower head will respect me in the morning.
He had a ladies night special at his place. Unlimited jello shots till 10, 50 cents after.
Next year we will be 30 and no more shots during the week.
walking back to the dorm.. she is flashing evryone, demanding beads. we tried to stop her and now she just keeps yelling "Bourbon st bitchesss"... you get her tomorrow
If you haven't seen a huge black man in tiny red snowflake shorts that barely cover his dick, then you don't know what I'm going through.
It's my 3rd annual 21st birthday party. Disney themed. There will be blood.
I wasn't half as drunk as u but u were saying u were a "worm" and u tried to slither out of my grasp
Are you really surprised she can't remember? That's like 50 people. I couldn't rattle off all 50 state capitols off the top of my head, you're bound to forget a few here and there
I was like sure, i'll have a drink or two to end the night early. Next thing i know theres a ton of dudes in my house and like 3 gallons of wine. I cant do anything in moderation.
you put your dick on my shoulder this morning like it was a fucking parrot
I just got out of a $280 speeding ticket by acting like The Big Lebowski. Seriously Jeff Bridges is the man.
Randomize
