and that's when the elephants and penises started dancing on the ceiling
i forgot how awkward it is to meet new people sober
watching law and order svu marathons. all of the sex crimes cases start like my sat night.
can't believe I ate straight coffee grounds to stay awake for that
she would only give me a road handjob because she didnt want to unbuckle
safety first
It's like playing clue with my own life. I have to piece together what I did, where I was, how I did it, and who I did it to
He was banging holes in the kitchen wall with pots. They tried to pull him away but only managed to pants him. He kept "drumming".
At a St Pats house party. Just raised $110 for two short chicks to crawl into a dog cage together. Video forthcoming. Respect.
She kept telling the ambulance to sit down and then started crying when we told her it couldn't hear her
You would ignore him even if it wasn't NoManUary. It could be the Winter of a Thousand Dicks and you wouldn't talk to that guy.
The Winter of A Thousand Dicks sounds terrifying!!!
Been awake for 50 some odd hours. I've discovered I can spew out maaaad papers whilst coked out of my face. My roommates probably think I'm dead. Money well spent. You?
You drunkenly hook up with 5 people in one night and suddenly everyone tries to party with you.
you take my contact solution?
drank it last night then filled it with brandy for the plane ride.
Nothing quite like the "I had sex you a month ago and now we're stopped at the same 4 way" wave
I opened my eyes to the dog snorting coke, I decided it was best to just close my eyes and forget what I saw
Randomize
