he stole me 6 pairs of frilly undies and proclaimed "your ass looks like a 5 in those. it'll be a 10 in these bad boys". every girl needs a gay bff.
Two girls are doing the worm relatively well on the bar floor after the fact I just saw one puke in the trash
I am the poster child for what not to do during sex. Soon they will be calling an undesired position after me
He said he had a problem he needed to take care of before we got omelets and then showed me his erection.
So the first 4 hours of my morning was equivalent to seeing under water. Things were starting to get better until I remember I drank mustard for free stuff and flossed my teeth with a strand of hair from a stranger in the bathroom.
She had cheddar bay biscuits in her purse. Biscuits, Id and cash. I'm gonna marry her.
Going to the u of w I constantly have that moment of, oh hey I felt you up at that rave at folk fest that one time. Winnipeg is too small.
GLITTER SLIP N SLIDE MUTHAFUCKAH~
After getting all 4 of my wisdom teeth removed I asked my dentist how much better would I be at head
Can you come pick me up and take me to breakfast then the police station?
Where's your car?
The girl I brought home apparently stole it
I just got home and someone ate all my chicken nuggets. Bitches be asking for a death sentence?
Goddamnit, guys. I got lube all over my kindle.
I am 95% sure I just heard my cat say "What are you doing home? It's Saturday night."
Ok, maybe playing "whose family is most dysfunctional" wasn't the best drunk idea we've had. Todd''s been crying in the bathroom for an hour. We can't get him out...
Hey, do you know the person who woke me up last night at 1 in the morning yelling and being carried through the courtyard?
That was me Mom...
Randomize
