Where are you?
In a non slutty way
im marching my happy ass in there and im not leaving until he cheats on his girlfriend!
dude i dont realllllly have to fuck her do i? its just a mess down there and i think im gonna cry
I wish i could go to google and type in drug dealers and it would bring up a number, a product and direction
You told him how lucky he was to be an elephant and kept trying to grab his "trunk"
Also this freshmen guy is talking about his gag reflex and no one is making blowjob jokes. I have no faith in the next generation.
Dude if I call tonight please answer and just say "NO, dont do it."
BAT SHIT CRAZY
It's you're fault, even though I never called
Yesterday you said I was the best.
No. I said you DID your best. There's a huge difference.
Saw a girl outside my apartment shotgun a bud light, then a red bull, get in her Tahoe, and drive 4 people away. Gotta love thirsty Thursday.
This guy has a theme song for the joints he rolls
Nothing says "back to school" like walking in the first day with a hangover
this place is dumb. no one understands my Sunday morning alcoholism here.
You did things that should be illegal to a Twinkie and asked strangers to drive you home.
I'm not 100 percent on this, but I think I just shit a lump of cement. What the fuck happened last night?
Here's a rundown of my night alone. Danced my ass off in the kitchen to FleetmacWood. Drank a little bit. Ordered $40 worth of Chinese food once the drinks kicked in. Picked up said Chinese in dirty sweatpants and slippers. #livinglife
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