dude, i just saw a bobcat while i was rollerblading this morning
1 dont ever text someone @ 8am on sat. 2 dont ever admit to rollerblading past 1992.
i'm wearing my white shorts to coax my period out of hiding.
i guess i called my mom last night. she wasnt nearly as impressed with what we did in the bathroom as i was
after the shots you kept on yelling "this is for the dreamers"
Is "when in doubt date the guy with the bigger dick" a good philosophy?
I'll get him an axe as a present. So he can break out of his closet. That axe being my penis.
I was looking at our sex bingo and pretty much every single row or column has at least one kind of person that is harder to find than all the rest
We've made things harder for ourselves
The struggle will be part of the fun
All I can think of is a mama duck followed by her baby ducks, in brightly colored track shoes.
How high are you?
I think the worst part about being a real adult is 1)having a high stress job that makes me want to get stoned 2)paying for reefer using my own money 3)realizing my boyfriends children probably have more weed connections than I do anymore
The guys are trying to figure out my orientation....think theyve settled on "drunksexual"
Good News: There was a condom on the floor. Bad News: It was still in the wrapper
I couldnt face her after that wonderful, terrible blowjob. Made a rope out of towels and climbed out her bathroom window.
I just had 3 numbers I don't know text me and remind me I am to attend AA on monday. Im gonna say it was a good night.
i looked at my texts in the morning and saw that i had a full conversation with myself via text thinking it was someone else. i rejected myself
I got the shit slapped outta me last night but the pain in my jaw doesn’t even compare to the hangover I have.
Randomize
